yellow grass

I suppose cliches happen for a reason.

Like they are relateable.  Like they happen time and time again.

So here I am being predictable and cliche, writing about grass being green. Usually when it is on the other side.


Once it is gone, I miss it. For years, it was watching over my shoulder…pushing me to pull me closer. And I resented it. I was fearful of it. I repeatedly held back, pushing it away. And now, all I want in the world is to hold it so tight and never let it go.

And now that it is gone I miss it. I only appreciate it now that it is gone. What a damn cliche.

“The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.”

Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


the exception

you are two people…

the man i know you to be and the man whose actions tell me differently

the man i hope you to be and the man who i know you are

the man that i thought i knew and the man that i don’t know at all

my best friend and the one who causes all of my pain

the one i could tell anything to and the one who holds it against me

the man that i love and the man that i hate

the man that i love and the man that i love


I want you to love me enough.

enough to let me go. enough to see that you are holding me back. i want you to love me enough to know it’ll never work and you’ll just end up breaking my heart. enough to know that what you are asking me isn’t fair. enough to think i deserve better. enough to think you are being selfish.

i want you to love me enough to set me free.

because i am not strong enough to let you go. because i love you enough.

enough to hold on despite everything. enough to push you forward. because i love you enough to blindly, to stupidly believe in our future. because, despite everything, i love you enough to have faith in you, in us. enough to knowingly be your escape. a fantasy. because i love you enough to not ask for anymore than i know you are capable of giving. enough to give up everything for you.

because i love you enough to set you free.

the act we act

someone sent me the song, the act we act by sugar, and told me it reminded him of “us”.!/s/The+Act+We+Act/3eorcM?src=5

and the lyrics

First of all…

I hate the term ‘us’ it just annoys me. not to say that i have never used the word. and all the nonsense it brings with it. I have even use it completely inappropriately. you know to describe two separate entities (…me and this guy…yes the same one who referenced us and the song…) but the thing is, there is no us.

for some reason this word has an unknown power and tends to mean way more than any two letter word should. you have to be really careful with this word.

anyways, to the point. this sentence would have been a lot less threatening without this ‘us’ word. it freaks me out. especially that there is a song describing it.

i really dont want to get into it, but obviously from his reference we have a pretty complicated relationship.


this is a pretty amazing song. very complicated. and sad.


what does this mean?


why do i care what it means? and worse why am i obsessing over what it means to him. and why he said it?


when did i become ‘that girl’


this post has been sitting in my drafts for a week. and i am still obsessing over it.