my expectations are my enemy.

they let me down over and over again. and i continue to fall for them – they lure me in with sunshine and happiness only to let me fall into an abyss.

an abyss of self-loathing and darkness. of being let down by the one person that i thought understood me. loved me. but once again, the possibilities fall out of line. this is not a fairy tale. this is not a happily ever after. and my anticipation knows that – harness it and fosters it – and uses it against me.

just like every year, my sunny childhood built up a possibility of glee and delight. only to come crashing down around me. and i only have myself to blame.

my maturity and years don’t help to squash the dreams of the possibilities.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

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