summer

Do you remember summers as a kid? They seemed to last a lifetime, full of sunshine, trips to the pool, and camp. And later they went by a little faster, but were still full of fun, staying up late, and hanging out on week nights. Once fall came around everything changed. School started and responsibility ensued. Weekdays were spent doing homework and”getting to bed at a reasonable hour.” Summer was always something we looked forward to and something we dreaded ending.

I miss being a kid.

The transition into adulthood erases the summers we knew as a kid. Summer is no longer full of carefree days. Summer as an adult kind of sucks. it is full of responsibilities. It means working…. I cannot wait till fall when school starts.

It isn’t just about working (but that doesn’t help). I guess it is just losing something that meant so much to your childhood. It is something we all have to give up eventually.

I am not sure if this has been prompted by my graduation and entrance into the dreaded ‘real world’ or if it just because I have had a pretty crappy summer…

So, my summer has completely sucked. I feel super dramatic, but it has been a stressful and completely not fun summer. they say bad things happen in threes. So hopefully it will get better from here…

1. Work:

I started a new job at the beginning of the summer. Once again, this is a transition into adulthood, there are more responsibilities, higher expectations, and harder work. I had a really rough start. I don’t really want to get into it, but I had a couple of weeks that were really difficult. I felt completely physically and emotionally drained all of the time. I cried for an entire weekend straight. And I made myself sick I was so stressed out.

It is much better now, but this definitely wore me out…

2. Break up

I had a completely dysfunctional ‘relationship’ going on with a guy I was (and still am) completely in love with. I knew it would never work, and so did he. But we couldn’t help our feelings and let it happen anyways. I don’t know if I would say I regret it, more like I regret parts of it, and certain things I did. It ended a couple of weeks ago and I have been really broken up about it. I am working really hard to get past it, but it has been really hard. I think that part of it is because we were such good friends before anything happened. I miss his friendship more than anything. And I hate that I ruined it. I know that we will never be friends again, and it is really hard coming to terms with that. I am struggling with the relationship itself, me, my feelings, the way it ended, and the way he is acting now. I have never felt the way that I feel about him about anyone, ever. And he broke my heart. It hasn’t been the funnest experience. I think one of the worst part of is feeling like the whole thing was a lie. The way it ended has me questioning every conversation we ever had and everything he every told me. I hate thinking that he didn’t ever even care. And that he isn’t struggling or missing me at all now. Because I have been. So much.

3. My dog

Preface: I love my dog. he is amazing.

My dog, who weighs about 10 pounds, was attacked by 2 big dogs (mastiff, pit bull mix and german shepard mix). He is in critical but stable condition, but we think he will be ok.

I was just walking him when two dogs came at us, out of nowhere, and grabbed him. They had my dog in their mouths and were shaking him viciously. It was really bad. There was blood everywhere, on the sidewalk and on me. I didn’t know what to do. I was screaming and crying hysterically. I have never felt so helpless and useless in my life. It is my responsibility to protect my dog, but I couldn’t do anything to stop these dogs from ripping him apart. Thank god he is ok. But he is hurting and in a lot of pain. He has two punctures in his stomach and a broken leg. Not to mention the skin was ripped off his entire right side.

Seeing that happen to him, and not being able to help him was so hard. I am feeling so much better now that he is doing better, but this has been a terrible week. I have just been sitting at my desk, crying (hoping no one notices). The vet said he is their miracle dog. I just need to get to the point where I realize how lucky he was to survive, rather than thinking of why it happened and the ways I could have stopped it.

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